The Price is Out of Sight- “Invisible Man Returns” Tonight! Greetings, all, and many thanks for the very nice comments about my contributions to the blog each week. Until I read Sven’s comments today, I was a little confused about tonight’s movie.

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The preview trailer on the website seems to be for “The Invisible Man” of 1. Claude Rains. Claude’s voice is unique and it sure sounds like him on the promo.

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But the movie is promoted as “The Invisible Man Returns,” which was, of course, the 1. Vincent Price, and is in fact the movie for tonight (right, Sven?) There is a trailer for the movie online , but the one I saw is one of those long (maybe 2 minutes) ones that they used to show in theaters before the movies started in the day before computers and the Internet (was that like a million years ago?) and it is a far different one than the one on the website. Although, if he did goof, Sven has a wonderful ready- made excuse if he DID make a goof: “We already saw ‘The Invisible Man’ and now he’s coming back—he’s returning, see? So the Invisible Man returns tonight on Svengoolie!”Somebody hand me a rubber chicken, please…. Anyway, now it’s time for…(can you see it coming?…) INVISIBLE JOKES! Actually, invisible jokes are hard to find. Since there are a lot of suggestions of insanity in either film, let’s warm up with something to set the stage so that will be easy to see.

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Sorry. Couldn’t resist. A visitor to a mental institution asked the director how it was decided which patients should be kept in and which were ready to be discharged. The director said: “Well, we fill up a bathtub, then offer the patient a teaspoon, a teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub”. The visitor said, “Oh, I see, and of course a normal person would chose the bucket because it’s the biggest”. The director said: “No!

A normal person would pull the plug out…. Heck, we may as well pop in this week’s GBTD (Guy Behind The Door) joke before he fades away….

Somebody help me! I can’t stop!)The head psychiatrist at Dead Lawn Asylum, is examining patients to see if they’re recovered and are ready to re- enter society.“So, Mr. Flake,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see from your chart that you’ve been recommended for discharge. Do you have any idea what you might do once you leave here?”Mr.

Flake thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to a college for telecommunications. That’s still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here.

People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go to evening school and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.”The doctor nods, looks pleased, and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”And Mr. Flake replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a coffee pot!”————————————————————–And now, before they vanish…. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink? What do you feed an invisible cat?

Evaporated milk Why did the invisible man look into the mirror? To make sure he still wasn’t there. What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man? Pitching like no one has ever seen!

The Invisible Man is a very uptight guy. You can hear the emotion in his voice. Do you know why he was so angry? It probably started in his youth. He was never seen with his friends when he was a teen. Disappear pressure. Even though he was an ace student, he flunked all his classes in med school.

They always marked him absent. Watch Billion Dollar Brain Streaming. He just couldn’t get a break anywhere. Right after he started his experiments, he went to see a doctor.

The nurse said: “Doctor, there’s a man in the waiting room who says he can make himself invisible.” The doctor replied: “Tell him I can’t see him right now.” (Come on–don’t tell me you couldn’t see that one coming!)Undaunted, he went to another doctor with a woman he convinced to pretend to be his wife. You know what that doctor said? Lady, I can’t see anything wrong with your husband.”Few people know that the Invisible Man was, in fact, quite a family man. His mother bugged him to marry, but he ignored her because she was transparent. She wanted him to be a father and was upset that he was just not apparent. The Invisible Man found and married an invisible woman with great hopes, but as it turned out, their kids weren’t much to look at, either. Little- known fact: The Invisible Man actually got a job offer from Svengoolie to become his security agent to make sure Sven wasn’t hit by the rubber chickens that get thrown at him, but he turned it down.

He just couldn’t see himself doing it.————————————*** NEW GOODIES ***Introducing From the Cutting Room Floor. Every now and then, a few things that may or may not have been from the movie, but seem to sound like they just might have been suitable…or not!“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you.”“I’m afraid to see a psychiatrist about the voices in my head. She might know who they are.”“They called me mad, and I called them mad, and darn them, they outvoted me!”“I was never happy being depressed.”“I told my wife the truth.

I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told ME the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist. And two plumbers And a bartender.”That’s it for now.

I have to get back to the sequel to “The Invisible Man,” which I’m writing. It’s about an invisible guy with no arms who can’t speak, is deaf and mute, and is filled with frustration and anger. Working title: “Who Keeps Kicking Me?”See you at the movies.